Time for a different sort of post.
I struggle with my weight and always have. I have always been big. I was on my first medically supervised diet by the time that I was 7 years of age. By 11 I had a 40â€ waist, chest and hips. I know this because I had to get measured for a dress at age 11, but that is another story. In my sixth form years I outgrew the ability to be able to buy anything from normal shops. I remember having to buy trousers from a neighbours catalogue at a 48â€ waist. Today I tip the scales at weigh 28 and a half stone and have recently returned a pair of trousers to Jacamo with a 58â€ waist. The trousers were too small.
I canâ€™t claim that I have any metabolic problems. I have had tests for thyroid issues on many, many occasions. I am not at present diabetic. The only possible explanation I have is that I have a whole new gland, unknown to science, that makes me a fat bastard.
If I go on diet and stick to it I lose weight. If I take regular exercise I lose weight. If eat like a normal reasonable human being I lose weight. The truth is that I rarely do any of these things.
I have sought help through my GP on several occasions. I have followed CBT based self help books prescribed to me. (The best and most helpful was Overcoming Binge Eating by Dr Christopher Fairburn). I pay for private counselling to try to help myself with my eating problems
I have attended pretty much every commercial slimming club in the UK. I have made good progress with all these diets when I stick to them. I have lost 8 stone here and 10 stone there more than once. I have always reverted to type and gained it all back. Always quickly.
I have crazy eating habits that I only indulge in private. As these behaviours dwell in darkness the behaviours end up making me a liar. I lie to friends, colleagues and loved ones all to avoid admitting to myself what I am doing to myself.
I hate the fact that I just canâ€™t seem to do what I say I want to do and control my eating enough to make positive long term changes.
I usually avoid writing things down like the plauge. The main reason for this post is to try to drag my daemons out into the light.
This post is not perfect, but it is a start. I hope to have more to say on this subject in the future.